god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
