i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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