no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
