I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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