i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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