there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
