I want to have your abortion
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
