her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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