The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
