What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
