im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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