never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
