One girl and one boy is just not enough.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
