But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
