Christians are straight up FREAKS
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
