You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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