I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
