garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
