No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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