another moral hangover. fuck.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
