I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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