So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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