Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
