that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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