I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Boobs speak an international language.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
