i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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