dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You can't motorboat a personality
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
