I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We left the knife in your bed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
