Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
