Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
