you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
