My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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