Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
