just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
