the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
