remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
