Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
