if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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