Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
