Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
