Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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