I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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