You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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