Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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