Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
