I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
