I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
