I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
