Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
