How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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