he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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