I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
