No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
