You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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