She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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